Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I think I sprained my soul last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
