Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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