pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
