I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
