I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
