There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
