i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
