no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
