masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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