It's Friday. Sex?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
