38 yer olds are good kisserssss
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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