I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
