i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
