Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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