Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
