I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
