I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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