I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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