i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i think my cat just said my name.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
