Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
