This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
