I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He shit in the fireplace
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