He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
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