i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
