I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I only lived at night.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
This gyro tastes like lonliness
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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