saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
