What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
