The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
