She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
