if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
