Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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