I need to stop coming to work sober
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Drunk is a universal language darling
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
