Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
