bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
