Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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