One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
