Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
