Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
