How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
