shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
