In the future we'll all be gay
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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