you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
