Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it hurts more in the daytime
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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