She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
