I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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