OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
