Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
