My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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