I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
