She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
try to milk me bitch
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
