He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
