I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Randomize
