what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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