Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
