my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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