She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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